The Reason You’re So Unhappy All The Time
Some people seem to be hardwired for looking at the glass half full, but even if you’re not one of them, that doesn’t mean you are doomed to be unhappy all the time.
Our habits and the way we see the world matter a lot when it comes to our life satisfaction. Little changes in our everyday life can go a long way in our pursuit of happiness.
And if you don’t believe me, just keep reading a little more.
Unhappiness and Everydayness
First, let me tell you how much I like Studio Ghibli movies. My favorite thing about them is how they take the time to show everyday life in detail. The way to work or school, or a homemade meal. As if saying: “This is what’s important, what we need to protect.”
It’s very different from what we see in other media, in which everyday life has been linked to negative things. To the point where words like routine and monotony are used almost as synonyms and crush the spirit of whoever feels wrapped in them. But, isn’t this a formula for unhappiness?
If there’s one thing we’re going to have in this life is everydayness, that day-to-day to which we sparkle something new from time to time.
It is a disproportionate relationship between novelty and routine. One that could hardly be inverted or balanced because any novelty that happens too often will end up becoming part of the routine.
Fighting everydayness is like pushing a boulder uphill, knowing that it’ll eventually roll back down.
We are animals of habit that base our lives on routines, even if we are not aware of it the entire time.
Unhappiness and the Cult of Novelty
Where does this disdain for everydayness/cult of novelty comes from? Well, since our ideas are rarely ours but seeded or at least influenced by others, it seems like at least part of the answer is: the media.
The media has always been a never-ending source of novelty that feeds our hunger for shiny stimuli (there’s a reason why the news is called news.)
And if there’s one thing they have done pretty well is to make sure every one of these novelties comes with ads (ka-ching $$$).
When I was a child, every Saturday morning I would watch the Power Rangers (1st Gen) followed by the X-Men cartoons. And only that day, at that time, the TV reminded me that my toys were not enough. And how much I needed the new Hot-Wheels Car Wash or the remote-controlled car that could drive from both sides. (Spoiler alert: I never had any of that)
Soon after, cable TV managed to hone this marketing strategy thanks to its variety of channels that allowed businesses to target their audience way more efficiently.
Although it wasn’t only the ads. TV shows and movies also bombarded us with characters whose lives were thousand times more interesting and exciting than ours.
Then the internet and social media came along, and screens would never be the same. Now the people on them are just like you and me.
People who remind us all the time, with each photo and video, how happier they are. How much they travel, the places where they eat, and the magical moments they spend with their loved ones.
Can’t Help to Compare
We know that what we see on the screen is not a real person but a virtual avatar, carefully made and edited to exaggerate the good and leave the bad out of the picture. But still, it is almost inevitable to compare ourselves with that.
It is hard not to hold those shiny pixeled beings in one hand and our not-so-shiny life in the other and feel disappointed and unhappy.
Although we shouldn’t be surprised. We knew pretty well that what McGyver used to do on TV wasn’t real, but that didn’t stop a lot of people (me included) from trying.
It’s only logical that we want even more what we see on social media when the people on it are like us. And on top of that, we see them way more often in a day than my 11-year-old-me could ever watch the Power Rangers in a month.
This constant exposure to social media makes us feel unhappy by making us feel that our lives are not enough. That we need to make more, get more, and pump our ambitions up to the sky and beyond.
Reclaim the Present Moment
We have become aware that having our eyes glued to the screen removes us from the present moment, but it seems like it is also making us despise it.
Chasing that next experience that would get us likes and comments, we are neglecting the value of everydayness. As if a meal with our family or friends were only valuable by its potential to get us likes on Instagram.
What if instead of taking pictures during our next meal with friends, we just enjoy the food and the company. What if we make it a slow, mindful experience like those in the Studio Ghibli movies.
We would see that the world doesn’t end if we resist the urge to share everything on social media. We’d see how much more we enjoy ourselves when we’re not expecting approval from others in the shape of likes and comments.
And perhaps more importantly, we would remember the value of everydayness. We’d remember that those little everyday things are what we will miss the most the day they’re gone. Those moments are the building blocks of our happiness.
We’d remember that our time on Earth comes with an expiration date and how important it is to honor this opportunity by being in the present moment with our loved ones.
Conclusion
This is, by no means, a silver bullet against unhappiness, as many other things can and do influence the way we feel. However, being more mindful about the way we use screens can have a tremendous effect on us.
No, you don’t have to be unhappy, certainly not due to your screens. I just hope this helps you be more present and appreciate the time you spend with the people you love.
I’m trying everyday to do that myself. After all, that’s what happiness is all about.
Related: The Question That’ll Help You Feel Less Overwhelmed
Breyner Jimenez-Noya is an educator who writes about work, learning, and how to not suck at living. Check out his Reading Better online course here (Skillshare Free Trial).
You can also find him on Twitter and support his work here, or by sharing this piece with a friend on social media.
